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Are you confused about your relationships?
Are you attracted to other women?
Coming out to yourself.
Coming out is one of the first steps in feeling good about yourself for the rest of your life. "Coming Out" is the process of accepting yourself as lesbian or bisexual and deciding how open you want to be about your sexuality to others.
There are no rules, telling other people can be frightening and you will always have to judge what the other person's reaction will be. It can mean rejection by family and friends, strained relations at work and even losing one's job. You can even get a great surprise when the family or friends say "Yes, we know"
The person who you first come out to will probably be you. You may be scared to admit to yourself that you are a lesbian or bisexual or you may feel there is something wrong with you. Unfortunately this is because we are brought up to think of homosexuality as wrong.
It is good to know that you are not the only one with these feelings. It helps to talk to others and realise that your feelings are perfectly normal. You can talk to any of the Gay Helplines in total anonimity. This may help you with feeling better about yourself. Many towns and cities have help-lines run by lesbians and gay men where you can talk in confidence.
It is not uncommon for lesbians to be married. From an early age we are subjected to the the burden of social pressures and expectations. There is always the assumption that when someone grows up they will get married and have children. Society places so much emphasis on marriage that it often seems easier, in the short term at least, to give in to the pressure.
If you decide to come out to your spouse after years of marriage and especially if you have children, it is wise to ensure that you have come to terms with your sexuality before sharing it. How will your spouse react? Find out if there are any support groups in your area and contact your local Gay Switchboard for more information.
| FINANCIAL CONSIDERATIONS IN SAME-SEX RELATIONSHIPS
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Inheritance. If a person dies without making a will, the property will go in order of priority to the spouse, children, parents, siblings, nephews and nieces and then other blood relatives down to first cousins. A same-sex partner cannot inherit or make a claim to administer the estate. It may also be worth noting that a partner cannot register the death of their partner. Registering the death can only be done by spouses and relatives.
Inheritance Tax Relief, currently of £242,000, is not applicable to same-sex couples. Where a lesbian or gay couple have shared a home the value of the half of the property the surviving lover may inherit is also liable to tax.
Pensions. Currently no public sector pension scheme makes provision for survivors benefits for gay couples.
| A GUIDE FOR FAMILIES AND FRIENDS OF LESBIANS AND GAYS
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Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (FFLAG) is a continually growing national voluntary organisation and registered charity with more than 40 telephone helplines across the UK and parents' groups which hold regular meetings.
FFLAG is dedicated to supporting parents and their gay, lesbian and bisexual sons and daughters.
FFLAG offers support to local parents groups and contacts, in their efforts to help parents and families understand accept and support their lesbian gay and bisexual members with love and pride.
www.fflag.org.uk
| THIRD PARTY REPORTING (HOMOPHOBIC INCIDENTS)
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PACT is a consultative group consisting of representatives of the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered communities working in partnership with Essex Police.
By working together, PACT can ensure that the needs and concerns of the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered communities are responded to by the Police. This includes responding to the needs and concerns of the victims of hate crime and encouraging reporting of homophobic incidents.
By reporting a hate crime or homophobic incident you can help the police tackle the menace of crime. Your information can help the police stop hate crime from happening again to you or other lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered people.
STOP HATE CRIME is an inititative to encourage reporting and develop trust and confidence in the police. More reports will increase investigation and detection. Your report will be treated seriously and in confidence.
The definition of a Homophobic Incident is 'any incident which is perceived to be homophobic by the victim or any other person.' Homophobia is negative attitudes or behaviours towards lesbians, gay men, bisexual and transgendered people, based on hatred and prejudice. Homophobic incidents are investigated through the 'dealing with lesbians, gay men, bisexual people in Essex' policy, and can involve lesbian and gay switchboards and other agencies. The police are aware that reporting homophobic incidents may be difficult in some circumstances. The police are working with other supportive organisations to make this easier.
PACT have launched a Third Party Reporting scheme. This will allow ANYONE who thinks that homophobic incident has occurred, whether they are personally involved or a third party, to report it to the police (anonymously if they wish). This can occur for example when the person involved in the incident is too embarrassed to notify the police, they do not have confidence in the police or they do not want to be identified. A third party may want to report an incident when they witnessed an incident against a third party and they consider that the incident was a homophobic incident but the victim did not consider it so, a person involved in an incident tells someone who did not see it and they then report it.
If a homophobic incident occurs it can be notified to a Gay Switchboard or helpline for them to pass on to the police without your identity being revealed. This will help the police to build a more complete picture of the incidents in their area and target problem areas.
Essex Police have Homophobic Incident Liaison Officers based as follows
Braintree 01376 551312 ext 63122
Basildon 01277 631212 ext45100
Chelmsford 01245 491212 ext 60108
Clacton 01255 221312 ext 16109
Colchester 01206 762212 ext 10001
Thurrock 01375 391212 ext 70110
Harlow 01279 641212 ext 20882
Southend 01702 431212 ext 30951
Rayleigh 01702 558820 ext 35120
Stansted 01279 680298 ext 22120
Essex Lesbian nad Gay Switchboards
North East Essex 01206 869191
South Essex 01702 344355
West Essex 01245 231990
TransLiving International 01268 583761
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